I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
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