tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
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