No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
