Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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