I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
