u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
