He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
