That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
