i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
