it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
