Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
