I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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