she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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