YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
