I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
