We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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