I am spending my child support on dildos
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
My bed smells like the plague
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