I'm going to jail i love you
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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