Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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