So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
