We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
