I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
