the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize