Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
