he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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