Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
