i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
