she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
