I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
