WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
