Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
