I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
