hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
