I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
