He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
