He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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