he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I love you. Go after that dick
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize