I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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