I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
