My liver just broke up with me...
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
