He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize
