I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
