I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
