PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
