bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
