Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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