I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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