How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
