Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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