my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize